The trap was set perfectly, and I stepped right in. We admire heroes in Scripture who do the right thing. Daniel comes to mind, as do his three friends who had success after success doing the right thing. We like to think we too would stand when tested as they were. I was pretty confident too, until I discovered I am more like Peter before the crucifixion than Daniel.
I’ve written about our debt free journey, but it hasn’t all been a smooth ride. We’ve paid off $49K in the last seven months, all but one bill that I owe to my parents. As we had this success, I observed that my credit score was climbing due to collections accounts and high credit card accounts being paid off. This was exciting because we would like to purchase our own house, and until the COVID hit, 620 was the low end, but 700 would get better rates, so I was aiming for 700 and getting close. However, when I paid off my last tool bill, my credit took a hit because that was my oldest account, and it tanked my longevity.
I was foolish. I paid too much attention to the “I love debt score”, and because I wanted to see that score continue to go up so that it would be easier to buy a place (and manual underwriting isn’t going to work because of how we lived since we had to short sell our house in 2017) I financed $1200 in tools. My conscience bothered me right away. The following morning, I confessed to my wife, and made a commitment to leave the debt alone.
To reinforce my commitment, I researched what Scripture had to say about debt. We’re probably all familiar with Proverbs 22:7,
“The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant (or slave) to the lender.” Also Romans 13:8 is commonly referred to: “Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.”
However, these are not the only scriptures that deal with debt.
“Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away” (Matthew 5:42).
This is a repeat of the law in Deuteronomy,
“For the LORD thy God blesseth thee, as he promised thee: and thou shalt lend unto many nations, but thou shalt not borrow; and thou shalt reign over many nations, but they shall not reign over thee” (15:6).
While there were others, this final text set my mind to become debt free. “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24).
I have seven bays to work from. It’s wonderful that I don’t have to push a lot of vehicles in and out, but it came to my attention that I was spending a lot of time walking back and forth to my toolbox. I have two carts, one that is a catch all for what I’m using, and one on which I set a portable box I got when I did a lot of side work and contains my common hand tools. Everything else is stored in a large box that is centrally located to the three bays I use most, but if I’m working anywhere else, it’s a long trek to get what I need. I noticed I was losing up to an hour a day, which works out to be something more than $7000 a year. That’s a pretty hard hit to swallow. Since the big box is too hard to move, I’ve looked into a smaller box that I could set the little box on and wheel around to the work. The cheap ones at Lowes and Harbor Freight aren’t quality designed for the constant use, so I found one I liked on eBay, but it was in South Carolina, which runs the cost of shipping or pickup quite high.
Enter the tool truck. He had the first cart I’ve ever seen where the key unlocks both top and drawers. All other carts I’ve seen you unlock the lid, open it, and then unlock the drawers with a lever in the back. Those wouldn’t work with my little box, but this one would. I debated it seriously, but in the end, I just couldn’t stomach financing $2200. The following day the service manager came and asked me to look at a vehicle that was broken down in the parking lot across the street. It was a big diesel truck towing a 40-foot 5th wheel camper, in convoy with another late model pickup towing a trailer loaded with an expensive UTV. The young father was very concerned, and as I talked with him, I learned he had recently been laid off, and was headed home to Mississippi from Wyoming, and that this was the 3rd time his truck had broken down. His camper, which was their home, was not paid for, and he didn’t know when he would get another job. Fortunately, the fix was easy and not expensive, and they were on the road after a couple hours, but as I watched him go, I said, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” When I told my family about it that evening, and about the experience with the tool cart, my dad said, “You will have temptations, for the devil knows your weaknesses.”
We have a resource called the labor time guide, which states how long each job should take, and that is how much we are paid. I had a vehicle another shop told him needed lower ball joints, an idler arm, and a pitman arm (steering components) but when I inspected it, it only needed the idler arm. However, the customer insisted he wanted all components replaced, so I attempted to do as asked. The labor guide called for 4.2 hours to do the ball joints. I quickly discovered my little ball joint c-clamp press was no match for this big dually truck, nor was my 3 lbs hammer, or the shop’s 8 lbs hammer sufficient to move the joint. Finally, I drilled 3 holes in the joint, which was enough, when combined with heat from the shop torch and a lot of pounding to get the joint out. 8 hours later I completed the first side. I was frustrated, angry, discouraged, exhausted, and I still had one side to go. I got started, but it wasn’t going any better than the first side had gone. I drilled the first hole in the joint and started the second when the tool man arrived. He said, “I’ve got just what you need for that.”
Sure enough, he had a tool that fit the truck and applied 20 tons of force to that stubborn ball joint. Within a few seconds, it popped loose. I’d just spent 6 hours fighting the other side and was 1 hour into the fight on this side, and this tool turned it into a 5-minute process. However, to use the tool, I had to commit to buy the tool. Five more hours of fighting, for which I wasn’t getting paid, or more than $1200 for a tool? I was so upside down on the job. Already good paying work had gone to the other tech and I had more paying work sitting outside that I couldn’t get to because this four-hour job was eating as much as 16 hours of my time. I felt compelled.
Before my new tool was situated in my toolbox, the agony of the job, the numerous seemingly unanswered prayers, my sore knees, and the temptation of the previous week all made sense. The trap was set perfectly, and I stepped firmly into it in my fit of rage.
Oh weak and sinful man that I am, so confident in self, so quick to depend upon the arm of flesh. I marveled at the handywork of our foe, how perfectly he set me up, how well he knew my faults and prepared the trap. Yet I also appreciated the gentle arrangement of events by our Heavenly Father to reveal to me how weak I am, how overconfident in myself I was. Am I really as strong as I think I am? Am I really as committed to His cause as I’d like to believe? Could I really lay down my life as I so confidently assume I can?
Failing to fix a car in a timely manner, not supporting my family, not paying my bills, etc. are things that terrify me. To watch others suffer because I do poorly is more than I can bear. To struggle for hours, knowing the time I’m getting paid for is past and all this current labor is free brings out a side of me that hasn’t yet learned to trust. Combine all this with an easy out, and I blow $1200 I don’t have for a tool to do a job I haven’t done in a year, and it is unknown if I will ever do again.
More than all this, it revealed to me a lack of trust. I didn’t trust God to provide as I struggled to overcome my own faulty character. I didn’t trust Him to supply my lack as I remained committed to become free of all masters except Him. I didn’t have the courage to say “No” to the easy out when it was provided.
We have the promise in Romans 8:28, which says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” We also have Paul’s writing in 2 Corinthians 12, which says,
“And he said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (vv. 9,10).
Yes, I do take pleasure in my weakness, in knowing that I have failed, because it shows me how desperately I need our Lord, that only through His strength, His power, and His righteousness do I have any hope.
“Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord. For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited.
“Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit” (Jeremiah 17:5-9).
Amen!
Russell Wickham seeks the Lord with all his heart (Jeremiah 29:12).