On Sabbath, November 13, while preaching on a passage found in Ephesians 5, the now infamous words uttered by a Seventh-day Adventist pastor to his nearly 1,000-member church in the Bronx (New York) have been on display around the world through the voice of YouTube, the pages of the Washington Post, and countless other media outlets:
“In this matter of submission, I want you to know upfront ladies, that once you get married, you are no longer your own. You are your husband’s. . . . And I would say to you gentlemen, the best person to rape is your wife."
These beyond-cringe-worthy, gut-wrenching, horribly twisted words are appalling, and it's doubtful anyone would agree that saying such things is "OK." Claiming mastery over someone else's body, and the right to violate that body by raping them is never "OK" under any circumstances.
Clearly, the pastor who uttered these words had a twisted view of Scripture, particularly Ephesians 5. I am appalled, indeed outraged, by the terrible misrepresentation of Scripture by this (now former) Adventist pastor.
Cannot Remain Silent
Sadly, however, this former pastor is not the only one who is mispresenting this passage. Among those who are quick to (understandably) distance themselves from this man and his twisted interpretations, are those who are also quick to distance themselves from the Biblical passage itself, implying that the Bible doesn't really mean what is says, and that those who say it does are encouraging abuse.
This is wrong, and I cannot remain silent when Scriptural passages are so mis-represented. The book of Ephesians is found in the inspired Word of God, and we can't just ignore or rip out the parts we don't like because we find them difficult to understand. In Ephesians 5 God actually gives us very important (and inspired) instruction for the marriage relationship, which is informed by the relationship between Christ and His Church.
The first part of the chapter talks about walking in love, walking in light, and walking in wisdom. We then come to the counsel on marriage:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church" (Eph. 5:22-29, NKJV).
Beauty and Balance
While it is true that some twist and abuse this passage of Scripture, many others take it to heart and enjoy very rewarding, godly marriages as a result of believing and following what the Scripture says.
There is a beauty and a balance to this passage, for those who are willing to accept it. Ellen White observed:
"Paul, writing to the Ephesian Christians, declares that the Lord has constituted the husband the head of the wife, to be her protector, the house-band, binding the members of the family together, even as Christ is the head of the church, and the savior of the mystical body. Therefore he says: “As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.” (RH, Dec. 10, 1908, par. 3).
She also provided the following helpful, balanced, divinely-inspired insights (along with many more):
"We must have the Spirit of God, or we can never have harmony in the home. The wife, if she has the spirit of Christ, will be careful of her words; she will control her spirit, she will be submissive, and yet will not feel that she is a bondslave, but a companion to her husband. If the husband is a servant of God, he will not lord it over his wife; he will not be arbitrary and exacting. We cannot cherish home affection with too much care; for the home, if the Spirit of the Lord dwells there, is a type of heaven.... If one errs, the other will exercise Christlike forbearance and not draw coldly away." (AH 118.1)
"A true woman in the home is a treasure, and she should be respected and appreciated. The question is often asked, 'Shall a wife have no will of her own?' The Bible plainly states that the husband is the head of the family. 'Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.' If this injunction ended here, we might say that the position of the wife is not an enviable one; it is a very hard and trying position in very many cases, and it would be better were there fewer marriages. Many husbands stop at the words, 'Wives, submit yourselves,' but we will read the conclusion of the same injunction, which is, 'As it is fit in the Lord'" (13MR 74.1).
"Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. The Lord has laid down the principle that is to guide in this matter. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church. And the wife is to respect and love her husband. Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other" (7T 47.1).
So, while we do not endorse or espouse those who selectively quote and misuse the passage of Ephesians 5:22 to condone abuse, let us not keep silent regarding the beauty and balance and joy that this, and all of Scripture, can bring when embraced and lived out as the living, divinely-inspired Word of God.
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Mrs. Seymour is happily married to her husband. They and their children live in the United States.