We understand that there is a time of trouble ahead where God’s faithful followers will be severely persecuted, even tortured for His name’s sake. Now is the time to be preparing our hearts to stand in that trying time. How do we do that? Only by letting God’s love flow through us continually, especially to those who have wronged us and hurt us.
God is giving us opportunities to develop godly characters by allowing others to be unjust and be mean to us. He is trying to build up our hearts in love, so nothing can stir up our anger or bitterness in us. We know that the world will hate us, yet we are to love those who are cruel toward us.
And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved (Mark 13:13).
If Jesus will enable us to endure the hatred of all, won’t He enable us to endure the hatred or meanness of someone closely connected with us?
You may be experiencing mistreatment at the hand of one who is supposed to love you. But since they are not walking with Jesus, they have become a tool in the hands of the devil. Satan is trying to use them to get you to become bitter and hateful toward them. But God is able to turn the curse into a blessing, and He can use these unkind, cruel people to make you into a better person, with your heart overflowing with love and compassion toward them.
Imagine that! The meaner they become, the sweeter you become! By God’s grace, their cruelty and evil hatred develops spiritual beauty in you! You become fortified against abuse as you continue to pour out supernatural love. This is the only way you will be prepared to face the persecution that lies ahead. God will help you not to dwell on your pain; instead, you will be a channel for God’s wooing love.
Reconciliation with God and with those that have wronged you, and that you have wronged—this is the highest missionary work we can do! Reconciliations will be made possible as you continue to let the love flow.
In order to do this, we must be able to maintain our hold on God at all times. God can enable us to withstand horrible mistreatment, persecution and torture, but we must be able to stay connected with Jesus.
If our abuser puts us in a position where we lose our spiritual connection, it is time to separate from them if at all possible. We must find a space where we can reconnect with Jesus. This can be a momentary and temporary separation, until we can re-establish a strong connection with God. When we are reconnected, we again pour out God’s love upon them, treating them kindly even as they treat us unkindly.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).
You may be thinking, but what about all the horrible things my abuser has done to me? How can I forgive them? If I am kind and loving toward them, they won’t realize how much they have hurt me. They need to be punished so they’ll see just how bad they are!
Dear friend, didn’t God say, Vengeance is mine, I will repay (Romans 12:19)? Is God true? Can we believe He means what He says? Let God do His work in His time. He will repay, we can be assured of that! But if you get in there and think it’s your job to punish, you could very well be blocking what God is wanting to do. You may be stopping the Holy Spirit from speaking to the one with whom you are estranged. Jesus may want to use your loving reaction to their cruelty to woo their hearts back to God.
What if the abuse is currently taking place? Are we to allow others to continue to abuse us? There is a line that is crossed where we must not allow abuse to continue. What is this line? If the abuser is causing us to violate our conscience, this we cannot allow. If they’re behavior toward us is separating us from God, we can separate from them. But we must still love them!
If we are following Christ’s reconciling principles, we should never totally cut off the offender from our life. We should never become so hard-hearted that we refuse to even talk to them. If we were humble and meek, and winsome, we might have an opportunity to bring them to repentance, and to restore the relationship.
If we don’t love all those with whom we’ve had past connections, we simply cannot love God.
And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also (1 John 4:21).
Now let’s talk about divorce. God declares that He HATES divorce. (See Malachi 2:13-16.) If we love Him, we should love what He loves and hate what He hates. Biblical divorce is given as an option only if your spouse becomes an adulterer.
If your spouse is not an adulterer, then divorce should not be an option. Carefully study Matthew 5:22. The Bible says that both should remain unmarried or be reconciled. Even if the separation and divorce was not your choice, if there is no adultery, there are no grounds for remarriage.
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife (1 Corinthians 7:11).
Reconciling a broken marriage is glorifying to God. It denounces the evil work Satan tried to do in breaking up a home. It is a demonstration of God’s reconciling attitude toward us. It is worth every effort, and leads those who seek it into a humble, sweet, Christlike spirit, which requires them to release their anger, resentment, bitterness and all animosity.
Full reconciliation is not always possible because the estranged person may be unwilling. But you individually may be reconciled in your heart toward them.
It is our privilege to maintain a Christlike spirit, a heart filled with love and compassion toward someone who has wronged. This attitude is not dependent upon them having the same spirit toward us. They can be as unfair and mean and nasty as Satan can make them, but we can, through Christ’s power, be as sweet and kind and meek as Jesus can make us. It’s quite a contrast!
Sometimes, in our quest for reconciliation, we may need to enlist the help of a godly councilor, a peacemaker, a mediator who can help with the communication process. A Christian mediator is there to pray with you both, to listen objectively and not take sides. A mediator can guide the communication so that only kind words are expressed, and anger is subdued. It takes two willing parties to engage in this mediation process. But if your estranged person is not willing, you should proceed with the conciliatory efforts alone.
When we are willing to confess our wrongs, with a humble spirit, we can then reach out in love. This will lead us to start a love-campaign toward those against whom we have harbored any ill-will. We may be impressed to write a letter or make a phone call or send a gift. As we pray for God’s supernatural love to fill our hearts, He give us a strong desire to reconcile.
As we pray for each other and let the love of Jesus flow through us, our former pain be washed away with this healing love. Let tender thoughts of Jesus’ great love fill you with gentle thoughts of love toward those who have wronged you. Ask God to guide you as you seek to direct this overwhelming love toward them.
We have no idea the spiritual damage we do to ourselves and to others by holding an unforgiving spirit. It is so toxic it can even affect our physical health. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. But it only harms us!
Unselfish, Christlike love brings spiritual joy and healing. It brings smiles to our faces and lightness to our hearts. We have sweet, conciliatory thoughts when we think of those who have hurt us. We desire to pour out our love toward them and clear the path so that they may respond to this supernatural love. Our pain, our bitterness is dissipated like the mist evaporates in the warming rays of the sun.
Oh, brother, oh sisters, do not put off this crucial work. Your estranged person may soon pass away, and it will be forever too late to reconcile. Then you will live with great regret for your selfish grievances. I beg you, for Christ’s sake, be reconciled to God and to one another before the opportunity is forever gone.
We should be willing to do whatever it takes to restore harmony with them. Our love toward them should be so powerful that it will be nearly impossible for them to continue to hold wrong feelings against us.
You will be so happy to be rid of your burden of blame and bitterness. You will enjoy a peace in your soul that can only come to those who are willing to follow their loving Shepherd. And keep in mind that Jesus forgives you AS you forgive others. He will give you all the grace you need!
God bless you and you take up this blessed work of reconciliation!
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Linda Kirk