T.E.D. Requests Gender-Inclusive Language Changes For Elders In Church Manual

‘Ello, me lads! Mouse `ere.

It’s a bit raucous over here in Europe, ever since the Ides of October in Michigan and the Brexit tiddly bits in Parliament. By the way, have you seen my moisturizer? I seem to have misplaced it . . . but.

From the very mention of Compliance in the hallowed halls of Battle Creek, you could already hear the stentorian social justice battalion storming the lawn of the GC — armed with social media pitchforks and armored in ethically-sourced jewelry and Skinny Jeans. Most of these SJW chaps are clinically hysterical. No surprise there.

In fact, the list of unsurprising things in life, ranging from “Water is wet, to “Asphalt is black” and a million other things in between, just got a new addition. Here ‘tis…

“Liberal Adventism is super-excited about political-correctness and women’s rights, but not so excited about biblical-correctness and righteousness.” They are even less excited about complying with legitimate standards of the SDA Church, but I digress. It’s unsurprising.

Joe Adventist (otherwise known as “right-wing hate-monger”) who believes in male/female biblical role distinctions better warp speed to another galaxy if he plans to survive the wrath of Ad-feminists here on Earth.

The Trans European Division — determined to lead their multitude of constituents (all ten of them) into the Promised Land of political correctness where egalitarianism and cultural worldliness flow like milk and honey — just issued a Statement at their year-end meeting. Their PC points in the Statement are fourfold:

  • They want an official Statement endorsing women in ministry and Leadership.

  • They want the Church manual Committee to amend the language to indicate that elders may be male or female.

  • They want the Church Manual Committee to give them the ability to vote other credentials for people carrying out ministerial functions between General Conference Sessions.

  • Lastly, they pledge to encourage and facilitate more women entering ministry. They say they will sponsor (with tithe dollars) 75% of the fees for room, board, and tuition at Newbold College and/or Union Seminaries. New motto (one that they share with the NAD) “Buying our way to WO.”

From a publishing point of view, these liberal western Divisions and their feminist-laden statements & overtures is the gift that keeps on giving. But, we would rather talk about things more stimulating to the soul, such as primitive godliness, the joy of obedience, and a love of the Truth, whatever you think about that. Stay connected to the Real Jesus, dear ones.

I shall now retire to my hovel in Church Hougham in search of my moisturizer. Being a “right-wing hate monger” can be hard on your skin, so I must moisturize regularly.

Tally ho!