It’s February 14.
You know, the day that marks the halfway point through February. A day exactly 12 days from Groundhog Day. Pretty special stuff.
In light of all that, I thought it would be good to revisit our biblical worldview on marriage.
The Bible is clear that God gave marriage to humanity for our benefit and flourishing. And He has just the right order for it. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. God always has the right order. Take intimacy for instance.
Intimacy
If you are like me when I was 21, I thought there was only one kind of intimacy and it sounded pretty awesome (1 Corinthians 7:4; and the entire Song of Solomon). In fact, for most of my adolescent life, female anatomy was just a rumor that I hoped was true. I thought physical intimacy was the whole kit and caboodle. I was wrong. There are three kinds of intimacy. Spiritual, emotional, and physical, and the order in which God gave them is important. That order is spiritual, emotional, and physical.
Spiritual intimacy — This is what Adam enjoyed with the Creator God in the Garden of Eden. They were one, joined in that special yet distinct relationship of Creator and created. Adam was the son of God, the federal head of planet Earth, communing freely with God. But something was missing. The animals had a mate, and Adam didn’t yet.
Emotional intimacy—It was not good that man would be alone (Genesis 2:18). To be alone is not good, and Adam was made aware of his loneliness after exercising dominion over the animal world, naming them and caring for them. As a partner with God He names the animals that the Lord brings to him. During this process, he becomes aware that the animals have something that he doesn't—a mate. God goes one better than that, making him a helpmeet, not just a mate. Remember this. Emotional intimacy is established right here, in our first parents.
Physical intimacy—The third and final intimacy is physical or sexual. After experiencing spiritual intimacy with God, emotional intimacy with his wife, Adam and Eve experienced physical intimacy. We are designed by God with a sexual capacity. That capacity is also designed to function exclusively in marriage. The union of man & wife, illustrate the relationship between God and humanity. The order is important. Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical, that’s God’s order.
What does the world do with God’s order of intimacy? It flips it backwards. Our world has it wrong. There are three kinds of intimacy: Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical. The world has it backwards. It places the physical aspect first. It is paramount in literature, entertainment, advertising, music, and most of all, in the lives of those around us. God’s list is different. Spiritual, Emotional, Physical. In this order, the physical fulfillment is 10x better. Maybe 100x. I’ll leave that up to you.
First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes Baby in a Baby Carriage
There’s a lot of truth in this old nursery rhyme. A consequence of following the world’s order is that childbirth is occurring regularly outside of marriage. This damages the relationship between two people and negatively affects the child.
In 1970, 71% of people were living together with a spouse. Today, the number is 37%. And depression is on the rise, as people feel the pain of loneliness and experience the consequences of violating a Law that they don’t believe even exists.
Many young people are satisfied with finding a mate, they don’t want a helpmeet. They are involved in destroying binary distinctions. The family as designed by God is binary. It is full of distinctions, your spouse is yours and yours alone for life. Marriage is defined by the distinction of male and female (Genesis 1:27).
The nursery rhyme may sound old fashioned, but it is God’s fashion, His perfect order.
A Mansplaining Moment
Today, I went out walking along the inter-coastal waterway in Palm Coast, Florida. After enjoying 11,000 steps in this placid tropical environment I walked back to the resort. As I strolled through the parking lot near our rental home a woman came up to me gesticulating wildly. I removed my right earbud so I could hear what she had to say. I mean, if I was being charged by a 13-foot alligator, a crazed axe murderer, or a condo salesman with plaid pants, I wanted to know about it.
She said, with great frustration. “Why did God make men?!?!!?” Her husband stood over by their minivan with his head down, pretending to be fiddling with the gas door flap. He was embarrassed.
I thought, ‘She wants a theological discussion in the middle of an asphalt parking lot in Florida?’ She’s asking a man why God made men?? It was a perfect opportunity to do a little mansplaining. Hey, why not?
I replied, “God made man first because He wanted a son. Then He made a helpmeet for His son, that together they might experience joy and fulfillment in life. God never intended that our marriages would be frustrating.”
I could tell that wasn’t the answer she was hoping for (perhaps she thought I was Germain Greer). As she walked off (in search of Betty Friedan) I said “Look it up in the Bible. Also see Colossians 3. It’s in there.” It all happened pretty quick.
It serves as a reminder to be ready in season and out of season to give an answer for the hope that lies within us (2 Timothy 4:2). Maybe I’ll give a better answer next time. I should have reminded her that it was 12-days after Groundhog Day!
But for now, my answer is threefold.
Do it God’s way (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Rejoice in the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18).
Follow God’s order of intimacy, both husbands and wives (Psalm 18:30).
And enjoy your marriage, twelve days after Groundhog day. That’s pretty special.
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