The more I study the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy, the more I see the instructions from God differs from the customs and traditions of the world.
Some of these customs have entered the church, and as a result many of our churches have/are lowering the biblical standards of truth for the sake of not offending or hurting feelings, but the result is leavening our churches with sin and worldliness (CE 42.1, 6T 146.3).
As a single young adult in my 20s I began to take an interest in what does the Bible and SOP say about relationships leading to marriage, and the biblical instructions of divorce & remarriage (comparing it to the world and seeing if it has affected our church). This is a subject that—at least for me—is barely spoken of in the churches, and the more I studied the instructions from God on this subject the more I began to see why.
I write this not to offend, or to be divisive, this subject might step on many toes, but out of love for God’s people and his church, to bring the light of truth and biblical standard that many churches often ignore.
…the church has conformed to the world’s standard…The religion current in our day is not of the pure and holy character which marked the Christian faith in the days of Christ and His apostles. It is only because of the spirit of compromise with sin, because the great truths of the Word of God are so indifferently regarded, because there is so little vital godliness in the church, that Christianity is apparently so popular with the world {SR 324.3}.
In 2024 there were over 670,000 marriages that ended in divorce in the U.S. According to Forbes Advisor, they surveyed 1,000 people who have gotten or are getting divorced to discover their reasons why.
59% of couples that divorced ended their marriage in the first year citing lack of compatibility.
43% - lack of family support,
34% - infidelity,
31% irreconcilable differences,
31% - too much conflict,
31% - lack of intimacy,
24% - financial stress,
23% - lack of commitment,
20% - parenting differences, and last but not least,
3% - domestic violence.
These numbers and reasons are alarming. They let us know that spending the proper time to get to know someone before marriage is not being done. If proper dating/courting time with an individual was happening, looking at red and green flags, much of these things could have been seen before blindly entering a marriage covenant. We should know if we are compatible before marriage, not after, we should know if we differ, or what a person’s financial thoughts are, or what values and standards do they have in mind to raise children before marriage. We will visit this thought with the SOP later in part 2.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
To become one flesh is by the sexual relation that God created to be in the marriage. Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:16 says when a man is joined with a harlot, he becomes one with her and he quotes Genesis 2:24 when God established the sexual relation to be within a marriage. That’s why God made marriage to be a holy sacred relationship. Today, thanks to hookup culture, the holy sacred marriage relationship has been turned to a cheap common thing that can be easily broken.
As SDA Bible believing Christians, we affirm all 10 commandments. The 7th commandment clearly says, Thou shalt not commit adultery. When a spouse breaks the marriage vow to be with another individual in a sexual relationship, we understand that to be adultery. Almost every Christian and Adventist would agree to this. But what if a slightly different kind of adultery that is popular in the world has been, allowed to enter in the church, and for fear of offending and not hurting feelings we have—in Adventism—condoned this adultery and have stayed silent on the whole subject altogether?
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery (Matthew 19:3-9).
By quoting Genesis 2:24, Jesus is re-establishing the sanctity and sacredness of marriage. Israel, just like the world today, was so used to divorcing a spouse for whatever reason they wanted and remarry to someone else if they desired. But Jesus said what God has “joined together”, the word in the Greek means to conjoin or to yoke together. This is why Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 6:14 about being unequally yoked.
Many conclude after marriage that they are unequally yoked, and cite irreconcilable, parenting, financial differences, or too much conflict. All because we have brushed red flags aside because we are blinded by love and have gone into a marriage believing it’s going to be Disney’s happily ever after. Once married, becoming one flesh then realizing defects, the world’s solution is to put asunder the marriage, divorce and be free and could marry someone else and be one with them. This is Babylonian confusion.
Jesus gave only one cause that God would allow divorce and that was fornication = adultery = sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse. And if a divorce is obtained the guilty spouse would be an adulterer and whoever marries the guilty spouse is an adulterer with them. The innocent spouse (though not mentioned specifically) would be free to remarry (this point is made clear in the SOP).
In the OT the adulterer was stoned and killed. The innocent spouse was free. In the NT, Jesus took away the death penalty if the person confessed their sin, but the consequence was still there which was instead of death, it would be to remain celibate/unmarried/single. Unless the innocent spouse forgave the guilty spouse and remained married to them, the guilty spouse was to remain single as a consequence because of the sin of adultery and if they married again, the one who married the adulterer would join in the sin of adultery.
And He saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery (Mark 10:11-12).
In Luke 16:18 Jesus says the similar thing. Now you might say, what about lack of intimacy, or domestic violence? Are those not just cause for divorce and remarriage? Why didn’t Jesus include those as reasons? We will answer that in part 2.
Are you beginning to see why churches don’t talk much about the biblical subject of divorce and remarriage? The world’s standard is to divorce for any given reason and feel free to remarry. But Jesus was bringing the marriage standard back. It’s a high standard, for marriage is not a light thing.
Many in Adventism, either through ignorance (which God winks at, Acts 17:30) or knowingly, have engaged in unlawful marriages according to the word of God. This is a sin that not just some of the people are guilty, of but also some ministers and those in leadership—which is why this subject is rarely touched. If the pastor/elder talks about it, many in the congregation would take offence, or maybe the pastor/elder himself is guilty of this and will stay silent. Meanwhile the church is being leavened by the sin of adultery which is so prevalent in the world.
Could this be the reason why Paul multiple times says the church leadership (bishop/overseer = pastor and elders) must be the husbands of one wife (1 Timothy 3:2 & Titus 1:6)? Was Paul talking against polygamy or was he trying to say something else?
Polygamy
Polygamy was normal in the OT, by the time we get to NT times history shows that the practice of polygamy was mostly outdated, even Caesar one of the most pagan individuals alive had one wife at a time. Roman law mandated monogamy. If you wanted to marry someone else you would need to obtain a divorce, but you couldn’t have multiple wives at the same time.
Paul, a Roman citizen himself, and the churches being in the roman empire would know that having more than one wife was already illegal. So why did Paul say that the men in leadership must be husbands of “one” wife if polygamy was basically outlawed?
In the Strong’s the word “one” in the Greek (G3391) also means “first”. Could it be that Paul was limiting the bishops and elders to be comprised of men who were husbands to only their one/first wife, meaning men who aren’t divorced?
If a couple seeking to get married or seeking marriage advice/counseling go to a minister who’s been divorced, is it safe to say the minister has a greater chance of giving negative advice since his history of leading a home that was broken up and ended in failure, compared to a minister whose house and family is in order?
For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? (1 Timothy 3:5).
It would also make sense that Paul would tell Pastors/elders to be husbands of one/first wife because if they’ve been divorced for whatever reason and remarried a second wife, that would be adultery according to Jesus.
Does this mean that a divorced man is barred from ministry or preaching? Of course not. A divorced woman can also do a great work for God in the church. But Paul is talking about the position of pastors and elders which is the two highest positions of leadership in the church and thus demands a higher standard.
His disciples say unto him, if the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given (Matthew 19:10-11).
The disciples were so used to the worldly marriage standards of divorcing and remarrying that when Jesus said it is adultery to divorce for reasons other than infidelity and marry another, they told Jesus it’s better to remain single if the marriage standard is this high! Jesus replied by saying that marriage is only for those who can abide by its God ordained rules and conditions. If you cannot abide by this high sacred standard, then marriage might not be for you. Jesus was re-establishing the seriousness that marriage is to God.
What does the Spirit of Prophecy say?
Your ideas in regard to the marriage relation have been erroneous. Nothing but the violation of the marriage bed can either break or annul the marriage vow…Men are not at liberty to make a standard of law for themselves, to avoid God’s law and please their own inclination…God gave only one cause why a wife should leave her husband, or the husband leave his wife, which was adultery {AH 341.3 – 342.2}.
A woman may be legally divorced from her husband by the laws of the land and yet not divorced in the sight of God and according to the higher law. There is only one sin, which is adultery, which can place the husband or wife in a position where they can be free from the marriage vow in the sight of God. Although the laws of the land may grant a divorce, yet they are husband and wife still in the Bible light, according to the laws of God. I saw that Sister Johnson, as yet, has no right to marry another man; but if she, or any other woman, should obtain a divorce legally on the ground that her husband was guilty of adultery, then she is free to be married to whom she chooses {AH 344.2-3}.
Even EGW understood the biblical principle of marriage, divorce & remarriage. Man could grant divorce for any reason, doesn’t mean God would accept it. Only infidelity would God accept as a reason for divorce, and if a spouse committed adultery, then the innocent spouse is free to remarry.
J did not put his wife away. She left him, and put him away, and married another man. I see nothing in the Scripture that forbids him to marry again in the Lord…He did not leave her, she left him. He did not marry again until she had obtained a divorce. When K divorced herself from J he suffered most keenly, and it was not until K had married another man that J married again…I see nothing in the Word of God that would require her to separate from him {2SM 339-340}.
Here we see a wife divorcing her husband for another man. J did not remarry until K committed fornication by marrying another man and through the sexual relation became one with him. This follows Paul’s counsel.
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11) .
If a spouse decides to leave, Paul said to let them go, but let them remain unmarried = single, and hopefully they realized that they committed a mistake. Let them return to the spouse that they left and be reconciled. But sister K left and didn’t remain single, she quickly married another man. Seeing that she by God’s standards broke the marriage vow by fornication with someone else, then brother J decided to remarry.
To be continued…
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My name is Nathanael Morel. I am 27 years old and was born and raised Adventist. My family is from the Dominican Republic and we’re very close. I love to study the Bible and preach when an opportunity comes. I attended Amazing Facts Center Of Evangelism (AFCOE) and hope to be an evangelist and continue to share the truths found in God’s word. I enjoy the outdoors and like to bike ride and be athletic.
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