There are only four ways we can respond to people in this world. Each of them are identified in the Bible.
Evil for Evil
In 1st Peter 3:9 it says “…not rendering evil for evil, but on the contrary a blessing.” In Romans 12:17 it says “Recompense to no man evil for evil.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15 says “See that no one render evil for evil onto any man but ever follow that which is good.”
In all of those passages the warning is the same. Don’t do it.
1 Peter 3 is in the context of marriage. We are taught in the first seven verses the unique responsibilities of the wife and the husband. And then God turns to the husband and wife and says “Stop returning evil for evil.” Stop attacking each other and making each other feel stupid and destroying the emotional intimacy in your relationship. The same thing goes for other people in our lives. But, Mr. Wagoner, “They slap me, I slap them. That’s how I’ve always done it!” True, that is how our carnal nature operates. But it is wrong, according to God’s Word.
There are two types of evil for evil relationships. There's the obvious evil-for-evil and there's the hidden evil-for-evil.
The obvious one is like when a child says “You're stupid.”
The other child says “Well you're stupider yet.”
The other child comes back and says “Well you're dumber than any dumb person in the world…” And then the other child will come back and have to beat that…maybe widen their criticism to the whole universe.
You've watched kids do that haven't you? That's an obvious evil for evil. You're attacking the other person with statements. Perhaps you’ve seen some adults do this.
But there's a more subtle one, and that's what I call a hidden evil for evil. Most Christians fall into this category. Your spouse does something to hurt you and you emotionally withdraw from your spouse. “I’ll show them.” Give them the silent treatment!
That drains the emotional energy out of the relationship. And when you get done, you can't sleep well. You can't talk, you can't look at each other. You hate (or dislike) each other but you can't say anything because you're Christians, and you get in the car and you go to church and you turn your big smile on and you say “Everything's OK, we're a godly family.” And your children say “What's wrong with you? You act in church like everything's OK, but at home it's horrible..” That is hypocrisy. Living two lives in a hidden evil for evil relationship.
It doesn’t take any wisdom to fight, anyone can do it. It takes wisdom to return good for evil.
Good for Evil
Romans 12:20 says “Be not overcome with evil but overcome evil with good.” This is what Jesus demonstrated for us in so many ways. Through His Holy Spirit, we can do this too.
This is Stephen’s last words “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge (account)”. This is Paul laboring to preach the gospel in spite of opposition in Achaia, Galatia, and Derbe. It is Abigail doing to good to David on his way to destroy her lousy husband. It is David sparing the life of Saul twice, while Saul was trying to kill him in his jealous rage. It is the Apostle Paul saying “May it not be charged against them" in 2 Timothy 4:16, where he expresses forgiveness for the Christians who deserted him during his first legal defense in Rome. This is the outworking of God’s grace and wisdom. It doesn’t take any wisdom to love those who love you. That’s easy.
“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them” (Galatians 6:32).
Ruturning good for evil is the animating principle of Christianity, finding divine expression in the Sermon on the Mountain (Matthew 5) and culminating in those last words, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do.”
Evil for Good
Proverbs 17:13 says of those who reward evil for good—”evil shall never depart from his house.” That's a scary verse. I’d like to understand it better. Maybe I can ask Solomon what he meant by that when/if I get to heaven.
I do understand that part of what it says is this—If I return evil to people who are doing something right, evil will never depart from my house. That could mean that my children will experience evil if I fight with a spouse who is trying to do it right. It also has to do with our gratitude—or lack of it. When people do good to us, we should feel grateful for that.
Gratitude is one of the noblest human virtues. Ingratitude is one of the ugliest human traits. Psalm 100 tells us that ungrateful people will not enter God’s Kingdom. “Enter into His gates with Thanksgiving” (v. 6). If we can’t be grateful to God and others, there is something seriously wrong in our hearts.
(You can tell me if you have an interpretation of Proverbs 17:13, because I don't know fully what it means.)
Good For Good
This is not a Scriptural term, but Luke 6:31 says “As you would that man should do to you do, you also do to them.” I made the term up to fit the parallel of the other three.
But you and I need to experience a good-for-good relationship in our marriages, and church family. That makes for a fun marriage (or other relationships) and an enjoyable church fellowship.
Consequences of Evil for Evil
What are the consequences of an evil for evil relationship? There are three.
First of all you're going to consume one another (Galatians 5: 15).
Secondly, you're going to experience confusion “Where strife is there is confusion (James 316).
Thirdly, every evil work will be experienced in your home. “Where strife is, there is every evil work” (James 3:16). In other words, you will have a house or a church full of evil. That isn’t much fun.
All three of these consequences are at work in our world, friends. Lives, and cities and relationships are being destroyed by evil-for-evil. It doesn’t take any wisdom to fight. Anyone can do it. It does take wisdom to return good for evil.
In His wisdom, God saved us (1 Corinthians 1:18-21). Those who endure this world will eventually escape it, and they will eternally enjoy the one to come.
Lost in wonder, God’s people will value His wisdom from above (James 3:17) and seek to light the pathway of others. Constrained by the love of God they will render good for evil, and their lives will represent God aright in the Great Controversy.
****
G